I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
