Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Im part way to drunk.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
