im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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