If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
