can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
