Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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