So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
