Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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