he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
