I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
