Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
