I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
