tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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