he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
