I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
