the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
