My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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