Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
