Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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