There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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