u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
