i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
