this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize