Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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