her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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