let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
