hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
