I'm gonna have a badass scar
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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