Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
