if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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