Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
