So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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