he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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