fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
