i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
