the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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