I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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