The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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