I just pynch a tree in the face
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
