If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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