You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
