i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
