32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Pants are for mortals
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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