dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize