YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
