I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize