In America we eat man semen.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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