highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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