Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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