he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
True strength comes from lack of pants
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
