I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
