i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
