whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
