ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
