I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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