ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize