i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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