Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize