I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
