What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
