This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
